When I was pregnant with my second child, I huffed and puffed into my parents’ kitchen over the holidays and plopped down in a chair, complaining about every ache and discomfort in my body. My sister sniffed: “I loved every moment of my pregnancy.” Inside, I rolled my eyes and questioned her truthfulness…or at least, her memory. Out loud, I said only, “Wait till your second. The first pregnancy is for enjoying. The rest are for getting through.”
Two years later, that same sister, now pregnant with her second child, plopped down in the same chair to enumerate her woes. Our youngest sister put her hands on her hips and said, “You’re not encouraging me to start having babies, you know.”
There’s lots of advice out there on how to get pregnant…how to take care of yourself and your baby during pregnancy…how to have a great sex life in spite of pregnancy…but let’s face it, the hardest part about being pregnant is…well, being pregnant.
I am 23 weeks into my fourth pregnancy now. Although that is several fewer than many readers of this blog, I think I have enough experience to justify dispensing a little unsolicited wisdom.
Embrace the hormones. You’ll be crying over books, movies, Scripture readings, beautiful music…and it’s a wonderful thing. In this jaded world, how precious are the moments in which we really allow our souls to be that vulnerable?
Live in the moment. You never know if this may be the last time you get to nurture a child beneath your heart. Take a minute to pause, to mark the changes in your body—both miraculous and unpleasant—to thank God for the beautiful and ask for help to bear the rest with grace.
Don’t take the annoying questions to heart. People are going to ask how you’re feeling. You’re going to get tired of it. They’re going to ask if you know “what” you’re having. You’re going to get tired of it. But people have the best intentions. They want to show they care. Take it as it’s intended. It’s okay to answer with a short, generalized answer. You don’t have to invest the emotional energy to come up with anything more profound than, “Fine, thanks. How are you?”
Give yourself a break. We all want to be super women and super moms, but sometimes you just can’t do it all. It’s okay to lower your standards, to take a nap, to rest and baby yourself a bit. But at the same time…
Take the long view. I can’t tell you how many people have told me, “You’re pregnant! Eat whatever you want! Follow your cravings!” Ladies, a craving for hot dogs and doughnuts does not need to be indulged. On the far side of this pregnancy, you’ll still be a person who needs a healthy body. Stay active, eat well, plan for what comes next. The third trimester of my last pregnancy was horrible. I knew I could not seek a fourth without restrengthening my surgery-weakened abdominal muscles first—something I hadn’t bothered with after the first two. And so I made the plans, the attitude adjustment, even before my son was born, so that I wouldn’t be too overwhelmed in the postpartum time to begin the necessary regimen.
But most of all…
Attitude is everything.
In the first trimester, when you’re sick and listless, you can focus on nausea, or you can tell yourself, “At least I still get to wear my own clothes and sleep on my back…or my stomach…or whatever way I want!”
In the second trimester, when you’re too big for your clothes and not big enough for maternity garb, and really, more than anything, you just feel fat, you can zero in on self-image, or you can be thankful that you’re past needing a nap every day and yet you can still bend over, carry the kids, and be active.
In the third trimester, when there is no such thing as a comfortable sleeping position…when crossing the kitchen makes you huff and puff and your belly activates the LeapFrog refrigerator alphabet when you didn’t even realize you’d touched anything…when your hips ache and you’re perpetually queasy and round ligament pains and baby gymnastics keep you up at night…during the third trimester, you can focus on the misery, or you can focus on the baby rolling and stretching and kicking within you, and think, “Thank you, God, for the constant reassurance that my baby is still alive and well.”
Now it’s your turn. How do (or did) you handle pregnancy with grace?
(Photo credit: Y♥YNTL, via Flickr)
Beautifully written.
I haven’t been pregnant yet, but this article is perfect for when I am!
I have to say that my fifth pregnancy was the hardest of all. I was wracked with 24/7 nausea until the 16 week. We were at the 2010 CCL Convention when I was about 10 weeks along, and thankfully survived the drive from Texas to Wisconsin without throwing up in the van the whole 2 weeks we were on the road. I had major sciatic pain in both legs (that did dissipate by my 6th month), but I kept telling myself I would take that discomfort any day over the morning sickness. I must have said 1,000 Hail Mary’s over those 9 months. When our precious baby girl was born, one look at her, and then a glance at my husband’s face, I said to myself…”Yes, it was worth it.” And I thanked God and the Blessed Mother for all their help…a thousand times!
I didn’t feel my first baby much until later in the pregnancy. You need to find an ob/gyn. Just rebemmer all pregnancies are different and all moms are different. Depending on where she was I could feel her more or less. My girl liked to hangout deep inside. Sometimes I felt fluttering,a little wooshy inside or like I was kicked in the lungs but no outside, big kicks until month 9 and then she stopped right before she was born. She is now 9, healthy and awesome. Good luck!:)
I am a middle school teacher, and my students used to say, “You are the happiest pregnant lady we’ve ever seen.” To me part of the joy was showing my inercity students the joy in bringing children into the world. I couldn’t talk about God’s plan for live with my public school students, but I could show then that life is a blessing and children are a joy. A welcome gift – when you are prepared (with a loving husband.)
Thank you for this. I have often wondered how to handle the different stages of pregnancy. We have yet to TTC, but it always on my mind. This is honest, but not scary, and looks at the truth with joy.
Great post, as usual! I was definitely a miserable pregnant lady. Note that I stopped at three kids! But it is so important to remember the end result– and not focus on the unpleasant parts. Funny thing is, almost four years later and I don’t remember why I was so uncomfortable!
I loved being pregnant. After I quit puking-LOL. I typically felt well until the very end but I have troubles staying pregnant, so the last 2 pregnancies I had to stay in bed from the time I found out I was pregnant to the 37 week. Now THAT I complained about. I am an active person and I hated being in bed but I did my best to remind myself that the end justified the means. And it wasn’t like I had a choice since if I didn’t stay in bed, it would mean I would either lose the baby or have the baby too early.
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I am so thankful my husband gave me this blog. I am eight months pregnant with our fifth and it inspires me to receive the gift of the next day with this precious life inside me. True, each day is its own struggle and I look to Saint Terese and the Blessed Mother to to lend me their hands. I appreciate this mother’s honesty and beautiful words of grace.
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